The Party
by YanksLuver
Summary: After Rory puts the wrong date on the invitation to a surprise birthday party for Lorelai, mother and daughter must try to pull it off, in spite of some disasters along the way.


Title: The Party  
  
Author: Steph (ILUVNYYANK@aol.com)  
  
Category: Humor/General  
  
Spoilers: Nope.  
  
Summary: After Rory puts the wrong date on the invitation to a surprise birthday party for Lorelai, mother and daughter must try to pull it off, in spite of some disasters along the way.  
  
Rating: PG  
  
Archive: Sure, just let me know where.  
  
Disclaimer: Gilmore Girls and its characters do not belong to me. I do this out of a love for the show and no infringement is intended.  
  
Note: Hi, everyone! My name is Steph and I am new to writing Gilmore Girls' fics. This is my first. It is not, however, my first venture into writing fanfics. I have been writing fics for over four years now and I have written for "General Hospital", "Friends", "The West Wing", and "Alias". This was something that popped into my head and I just had to write it. Hope you enjoy it and please let me know what you thought. ~Steph  
  
* * *The Party: Part 1/1* * *  
  
"Mom, wake up," Rory ordered her mother, as she tugged on her pillow for the hundredth time.  
  
Lorelai's head was placed securely beneath the pillow and her hands were clutching it for dear life. Her voice emerged muffled and more than a little groggy with sleep, "Rory, what has mommy told you about waking her up early on a Saturday morning?"  
  
"To only do it if the house is on fire or a "Mr. Belvedere" reunion show has been confirmed," Rory replied automatically.  
  
"Good girl. And since I don't smell smoke, I'm going to assume it's the latter."  
  
"Not exactly," Rory admitted with a roll of her eyes.  
  
"Then why are you waking me up at this ungodly hour?"  
  
"It's 9:30."  
  
"Your point?"  
  
Rory went back to tugging on the pillow, her expression growing troubled. "Please, Mom, just get up." She paused and then added, "I did something and..."  
  
That statement was enough to wake Lorelai up. She slowly slid her head out from underneath the pillow and turned it towards her daughter, her face partially concealed by her unruly hair.  
  
"What did you do?"  
  
Rory bit at her lip, while she wrung her hands together. "It's important to remember that I had the best of intentions....Good, solid intentions. And that I never meant for this..."  
  
"Rory, what did you do?" her mother asked again.  
  
Rory continued in a ramble, her brow wrinkling with worry, "I mean, I never meant for this to happen. I just wanted to do something nice and now it's all messed up and I feel so bad. I'm so sorry-..."  
  
Lorelai held a hand out and touched her daughter's arm to silence her. "Honey, unless you're going to tell me that you chopped up our neighbors and their bodies are currently residing next to the Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough ice cream in our freezer, then I think you can dial down the guilt freak-out a bit. Whatever it is, it can't be that bad."  
  
"It is that bad. It's worse. You're wishing Jeffrey Dahmer was your offspring right now."  
  
Lorelai sighed and moved herself into a sitting position. "Just tell me."  
  
Rory looked down at the floor as she spoke softly. "I...well...I wanted to throw you a surprise birthday party-..."  
  
"My birthday's not for two months."  
  
"That's why it would be a surprise."  
  
Lorelai nodded, "Good thinking. Continue."  
  
"So, I wanted to throw you a surprise birthday party at our house and it was supposed to be tomorrow, Sunday, because I knew you planned on doing your annual bra shopping extravaganza and that would keep you away for hours, which would give me and Sookie enough time to get ready."  
  
"I'm sensing a 'but' around here somewhere."  
  
Rory managed a nervous smile, as she finally met her mother's eyes, "But I put the wrong date on all the invitations. I put today's date. So, all of the food that Sookie was going to make, plus your favorites from Luke's that I ordered, aren't going to be ready. We basically have forty people coming at 2:00 and no food to serve them and the house is a mess and I am so sorry, Mom. I don't know what I was thinking, but-..."  
  
Lorelai held a hand up to stop Rory. "Okay, okay, so you messed up. We all make mistakes. What matters is you had good intentions and it was really very sweet of you. This isn't that bad, Rory. I'm sure Luke can still make most of the food and Sookie is a magician in the kitchen. She could make a gourmet meal with just peanut butter and a Tic-Tac. Plus, if worst comes to worst, we probably have some stuff lying around in our refrigerator that's not too old and that we can make look edible again. You and I will just clean the house like that Jetson robot maid on crack and everything will be fine. Don't worry, it's all going to work out."  
  
Rory didn't look convinced. In fact, she looked more worried than ever.  
  
This did not go unnoticed by Lorelai. "What?"  
  
"That's not all."  
  
"There's more?"  
  
"It gets worse."  
  
Lorelai's eyes widened and she shook her head, as she attempted a grin, "Worse? Rory, the only way it could possibly get worse is if you said that my parents were inv-..."  
  
Lorelai stopped in mid-sentence as she noticed Rory wince. "You didn't. Tell me you didn't."  
  
"Okay...But I did."  
  
"You invited my parents?!" Lorelai screamed, as she threw her arms up in the air.  
  
"I thought it would be nice."  
  
"No, no, no. Nice is a warm, cozy fire on a cold winter night. Nice is watching a summer sunset on the beach. Nice is not my mother listing all the ways I have disappointed her since my birth. Nice is not my mother criticizing every aspect of my house. Nice is not having my parents over in a few hours and only having week old pizza and some unidentified green liquid in the back of my refrigerator to serve them!"  
  
Rory spoke cautiously, "It's not that bad, Mom. Remember when you were saying that everything would be fine?"  
  
"That was before I found out you invited Mr. and Mrs. Criticism.  
  
"I said I was sorry."  
  
Lorelai's tone softened. "I know you are, Rory. But I must admit that Jeffrey Dahmer as my offspring thing is lookin' pretty good right about now."  
  
* * * *  
  
Ten minutes later, Lorelai was dressed and in a slightly more optimistic mood. She gestured to Rory as she spoke, "Okay, we have to get organized if we're going to pull this off. Rory, you go call Luke and tell him to make as much as he can of whatever he can."  
  
Rory nodded. "Okay. And what will you be doing?"  
  
"Me? Oh, I'll be...supervising."  
  
"This may come as a surprise, Mom, but I know how to use a telephone."  
  
"Oh yeah, of course, I know. I meant I'll be supervising the entire operation, the whole shebang, the big-..."  
  
"Mom."  
  
"Okay, just let me have one cup of coffee and then I'll get started, I swear. I'll call Sookie right after I have my one cup."  
  
"The last time you had just one cup of coffee you were still in diapers."  
  
"That was a much simpler time."  
  
Rory handed her mother the cell phone, "Call Sookie."  
  
Lorelai ripped the phone out of her daughter's hand. "Fine way to treat your mother on her birthday."  
  
"It's not your birthday."  
  
"Fine way to treat your mother on her...pre-birthday."  
  
"Dial. Now."  
  
Lorelai scowled at her daughter's retreating figure, before dialing the familiar number.  
  
"Hello?"  
  
"Hey, Sookie."  
  
"Hi, Lorelai."  
  
"Listen, you know my surprise birthday party tomorrow-..."  
  
"Nope, don't know what you're talking about."  
  
"No, it's okay, Sookie, I know about the party."  
  
"What party? I don't know anything about a party."  
  
"Sookie, I know about the party that Rory is supposed to throw me tomorrow. She made-..."  
  
"Tomorrow? I don't know anything about a party tomorrow. I have a busy day planned of...uh...organizing my spices and...uh...cleaning the lint out of that thing in the dryer because I always forget to do that and you know you're supposed to do that every time. Plus-..."  
  
"Sookie! Rory told me all about the party. She put the wrong date on the invitations, so everyone is coming today."  
  
"Today?! But I...I haven't made the food yet! I won't have time to make those cute little quiche and...and the chocolate dipped strawberries with the little tuxedos. I know this isn't a wedding, but I've always liked those. And I was going to make-..."  
  
"Sookie, don't worry about it. Whatever you have time for is fine."  
  
"Lorelai, I cannot work under this type of pressure. I plan and then I do. I plan and then I do."  
  
"Okay, plan for five minutes and then do."  
  
"This is going to be a disaster! A big, huge, gigantic disaster!"  
  
"You don't think I already predicted that?! Rory invited my parents, Sookie. My parents. My mother will fire one of the 'help' for forgetting to fluff a pillow. What do you think she'd say if she saw that my pillows were currently strewn about the living room, evidence of a pillow fight gone awry?"  
  
"And I was going to make this triple fudge cake-..."  
  
Rory approached her mother, holding the phone out to her, "Mom, it's Luke, he wants to talk to you."  
  
"Sookie? Sookie, I have to go. I know, I know, that would have been good cake. And I am sure the pastry in the shape of swans would have been beautiful. Sookie, I have to go. Don't cry. Sookie, don't cry. Good...Goodbye. Bye."  
  
Lorelai groaned, as she turned off her cell phone.  
  
"I'm guessing Sookie didn't take the news real well."  
  
"She reacted as Martha Stewart would if she weren't on Prozac and, you know, capable of emotion."  
  
"Ouch."  
  
"Yeah."  
  
Lorelai took the phone from Rory. "Hi, Luke."  
  
"Lorelai, I cannot work under this type of pressure."  
  
Lorelai rolled her eyes. "Not you too. You'd think I was asking you people to find Osama Bin Laden in an hour with nothing but a compass and a Ouija board."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Nothing. It sounded better in my head."  
  
"Anyway, this may come as a surprise to you, but my whole life does not revolve around making you food."  
  
"Not even a little?"  
  
"Not even a little. I have work to do, Lorelai. I have people who come in here, sit down at tables and expect food. And they do so without subjecting me to the verbal abuse I get from you everyday. These people are called customers, Lorelai. They give me money. I make a living off of them. And, strangely enough, I have a responsibility towards them.  
  
"That's who those people are? I've always wondered."  
  
"I'm hanging up now."  
  
"Oh, come on, Luke. Would it kill you to make some hamburgers and a bunch of fries?"  
  
"You know, it just might."  
  
"Please," Lorelai said in her best whiny voice.  
  
"Lorelai," Luke tried to say gruffly, but his voice betrayed him.  
  
"I'll be your best friend."  
  
"Was that your way of trying to get me to do this?...Because it sounded more like a threat."  
  
"Hey, I'm a desperate woman, I'll stoop to anything."  
  
"Fine, I'll do it," Luke said begrudgingly.  
  
"Thank you, thank you! You're the best! Oh, can you make my burger with a ketchup and mustard smiley face, pickle as the nose? Maybe-..."  
  
"Lorelai," Luke interrupted through gritted teeth, "Don't push it."  
  
"Okey dokey."  
  
* * * *  
  
Lorelai and Rory stared wearily at their living room, which looked more like a disaster area. They were usually fairly neat. At least Rory was. Lorelai could be a bit messy at times, but Rory would just pick up after her. However, they'd both been very busy lately and more than a little careless. Thus, their living room had paid the price. Pillows and other various items were strewn about. The rug was in desperate need of vacuuming and the furniture was so dusty it looked like it had begun to grow fur.  
  
Lorelai placed her hands on her hips and took a deep breath. "Okay, let's get started. Rory, you vacuum and I'll dust. Both of us will straighten up as we go along. If you come across something that does not belong in this room, find a closet and throw it in there."  
  
"So we're not actually cleaning. More like moving the mess to another location."  
  
"You say potato, I say poTAHto."  
  
"I'm vacuuming and you're dusting."  
  
"Yes."  
  
"I have an objection."  
  
"Overruled."  
  
"Mom, you're a terrible duster. You dust around everything."  
  
"Rory, dear child, there's no need to pick up the objects. Dust couldn't possibly get under them."  
  
"Yes, but it leaves a ring. An unsightly ring of dust. You're vacuuming."  
  
"No! I hate vacuuming. There's the cord, which always falls out of the socket. And it's very dangerous. I nearly broke my neck once."  
  
"That's because you were using the cord as a jump rope and reenacting that scene from 'Rocky'."  
  
"You know, that Sylvester Stallone may not be able to act his way out of a paper bag, but the man can jump."  
  
"You're vacuuming and you're going to do it properly."  
  
"You're mean."  
  
Rory handed her mother the vacuum, while offering her a triumphant grin. "You should probably change the bag. It looks really full."  
  
Lorelai eyed it and shook her head, "Nah, it's fine."  
  
"It looks like it's full. In fact, it looks like it's about to burst. When was the last time you changed the bag?"  
  
"When did we get the vacuum?"  
  
"About three years ago."  
  
"Then about three years ago."  
  
Rory's eyes widened. "You're kidding, right? You haven't changed the bag in three years?"  
  
"Nope and it hasn't burst yet. Take it from a woman who used to vacuum many rooms a day at the inn. This bag has a few more years left in it."  
  
With that, Lorelai turned the vacuum on. However, within minutes, a loud pop filled the room, along with a huge cloud of dust.  
  
Rory and Lorelai waved their hands in front of their faces, while coughing.  
  
"So, Miss Vacuum Bag Expert, care to change your assessment?" Rory managed to say in between coughs.  
  
"I may have made a slight miscalculation," Lorelai responded.  
  
* * * *  
  
A few hours later, after Lorelai and Rory had cleaned up the vacuum mess and then the rest of the mess that was the living room, the doorbell rang. Rory threw the door open and smiled at Sookie. Or, rather, who she guessed was Sookie. The figure at the door was obscured by numerous trays of food.  
  
"Sookie?"  
  
"Rory...Yeah, it's me," was the muffled reply.  
  
"Uh, do you want me to take some of this?"  
  
"No, no, if I let go I'm afraid it'll all come tumbling down."  
  
"Okay, well, um, take a couple of steps forward," Rory instructed.  
  
Sookie did so and Rory closed the door behind her. Rory guided her all the way to the kitchen incident-free, with the exception of a close call with a wall.  
  
Lorelai's eyes widened, as Sookie placed the trays of food on the table.  
  
"Sookie! How did you do all of this so quickly?! You're amazing!"  
  
Sookie giggled and waved a dismissive hand, her cheeks reddening from the compliment. "Oh, it was nothing. I just threw a few quick things together."  
  
Rory lifted a corner of the foil off one tray and took a healthy sniff. "Like what?"  
  
"Oh nothing, really. I did end up getting to the quiche and the strawberries with the tuxedos. And...you know...Tuna Tartare with Verjus, Mushroom Ragout, Chicken Tikka Kebabs with Charred Tomato Chutney and Warm Flat Bread, Panini with Roasted Peppers, Chocolate Truffles, Molten Chocolate Cake, Mocha White Chocolate with Chocolate Toffee Candy and...Oh, I know I'm forgetting something...Yes, that's right...Pulled BamBiTo under Saboogoo."  
  
Rory and Lorelai's eyes widened. Lorelai smiled, "You're serving a Disney character at my birthday party?"  
  
Sookie's brow furrowed in confusion. "What? I don-..."  
  
"BamBiTo."  
  
Sookie laughed, "Oh, that!"  
  
"I don't mean to be picky, but I would have preferred Thumper."  
  
Sookie chuckled and waved a hand at Lorelai, "Don't be silly, Lorelai. Pulled BamBiTo happens to be very good."  
  
Lorelai smiled. "So, how did you pull this off, Sookie? It really is amazing."  
  
"Well, I just sat down at my kitchen table and asked myself 'what would Emeril do'?"  
  
"Say 'BAM!' and try to erase all memories of his sitcom from the minds of the poor, naive people who suffered through it?" Lorelai ventured.  
  
Sookie ignored Lorelai and went on. "He would vow to do the best he could, create a plan and then try his hardest to stick to it. He'd kick it up a notch! I did just that and it worked out."  
  
"Well, you're incredible. Thank you so much," Lorelai said.  
  
"Anytime," Sookie replied, with a wide smile.  
  
Lorelai turned to Rory and smiled, as she rubbed her hands together. "Well, it looks like everything is going to work out. The food is here and just needs to be heated. The guests will be arriving soon. Everything is coming together and we did it all while avoiding any major disasters."  
  
No sooner did the word 'disasters' leave Lorelai's mouth, the kitchen ceiling started dripping water onto the covered trays of food.  
  
Lorelai and Rory stared at the ceiling.  
  
"What have I told you about tempting fate?" Rory asked her mother, eyes never leaving the steady stream of water that was coming from a very recent crack in the ceiling.  
  
"Not to do it because bad things usually happen."  
  
"And yet you insist on doing it."  
  
"I'm a risk-taker. What can I say?"  
  
"We're screwed," Rory mumbled.  
  
* * * *  
  
Lorelai ran to the door as soon as she heard the knock and threw it open.  
  
"Get upstairs and fix my toilet!" she yelled at Luke.  
  
Luke shook his head tiredly at her. "Hi. I'm fine, thanks. No, it wasn't any trouble at all making so much food on such short notice. You're welcome."  
  
"Hi, how are you, thank you for making the food. Now go. Please," Lorelai said quickly.  
  
Luke sighed, as he handed her the trays of food and she handed him his box of tools that he usually left at her house.  
  
He walked past her and into the house, continuing up the stairs as she followed behind him. "What's wrong with your toilet?"  
  
"It's leaking. Into my kitchen. Now I'm no plumber, but I'm pretty sure that's not supposed to happen."  
  
"What did you do?" Luke asked, as he entered the bathroom and noticed the ever-growing puddle of water surrounding the toilet.  
  
"I took a bath in it, Luke. What kind of question is that?"  
  
Luke paused a moment from his task of examining the toilet to offer her a glare. "I meant, did you do anything differently to it?"  
  
Lorelai's brow furrowed, still confused by the question. "I don't know what kind of answer you're expecting. It's a toilet. I think the number of things that can be done to it are minimal." Exasperated, Lorelai shrugged, "I...took it dancing and got it drunk. Obviously, it's incapable of holding its liquor. Or, maybe, the sink's been fooling around with it. You know how wild sinks can be. And the bathtub, the bathtub is- ..."  
  
Luke scowled at her. "Lorelai, I'm simply asking if you did anything that might have caused a problem. It's not like it would be the first time."  
  
"Hey, that was not my fault."  
  
"You tried to flush a diaper."  
  
"You know that was not my fault. I was changing a baby I was sitting for and the dirty diaper fell into the toilet by accident. What was I supposed to do? Reach in there and take it out?"  
  
"Uh, yeah."  
  
"Well, I panicked. I've learned my lesson though. I only flush things that are clearly marked flushable now. Well, except for tissues and stuff because they don't actually say flushable, but we all know-..."  
  
"Okay, okay, I get it. You're a safe flusher now."  
  
* * * *  
  
Lorelai hurried back downstairs and into the kitchen. Her eyes widened in horror when she saw that Sookie had unwrapped all of the food, which still sat on the kitchen table beneath the leaky ceiling.  
  
"Sookie! What are you doing?! The food's going to get ruined."  
  
"Lorelai, calm down. I have to start heating the food and there's no other place to put it. It'll be fine. Look, I patched the ceiling."  
  
Lorelai looked up at the ceiling, which was patched with generous amounts of duct tape.  
  
"Are you sure that's going to hold?"  
  
"Oh yeah, no problem. Duct tape will hold anything. I once duct taped the bumper of my car after I was rear-ended. Held for two whole weeks."  
  
"Wow, that is impressive. But this is different. There's the pressure from the water and you know how tape can be when it gets-..."  
  
Lorelai's sentence was interrupted by a steady stream of water suddenly falling from the ceiling and onto the food.  
  
"...wet," she finished softly.  
  
Lorelai and Sookie simply stared in shock at the ruined food...All of Sookie's work destroyed.  
  
"Oh my God," Sookie muttered.  
  
"I am so sorry, Sookie."  
  
Lorelai turned to her best friend and could tell she was blinking back tears.  
  
Sookie tried to force a smile, "Oh, don't be silly. Why are you apologizing to me? It was my idea to patch the ceiling and uncover the food. And it's your party that I just ruined."  
  
"No, you didn't ruin it. I'm just sorry that your food was destroyed. You worked so hard on it."  
  
"Oh, it was nothing," Sookie replied, her voice heavy.  
  
Lorelai stood there for a second, not knowing what to do. She wanted to comfort her friend, but, unfortunately, she had a million other things to do...Like figure out what she was going to serve her guests.  
  
Her first task was to get a bucket to catch the water streaming into her kitchen. She found a large bucket under the kitchen sink and placed it under the water.  
  
Then she called Rory into the kitchen.  
  
"Okay, we seem to have run into a little bit of a problem. The water ruined all of the food and had to be thrown away. I was able to save a few hamburgers, but I'm not so sure we should serve them to our guests."  
  
Rory shook her head, "What else could go wrong?"  
  
"I don't know, but let's not ask. Anytime someone says those words, something else happens. I just want to know when this party turned into an episode of 'Three's Company'."  
  
"Well, what should we do?"  
  
"Look for food. Any food. Anywhere."  
  
Lorelai, Rory and a despondent Sookie began what turned into a massive search, extending as far as their bedrooms and the pockets of their coats. Rory was in charge of the kitchen cabinets and Lorelai was in charge of the refrigerator.  
  
"Yes!" Rory screamed excitedly.  
  
"What?!" Lorelai asked, as she took her head out of the fridge and turned towards her daughter.  
  
"I found an old bag of Goldfish cheese crackers," she replied, as she held it out in front of her.  
  
"How old?"  
  
"Best if used by 6/14/99."  
  
"It made our four year cut-off. Score."  
  
Rory threw it into their 'stuff-we-haven't-eaten-in-God-knows-how- long-but- we're-desperate' box.  
  
"Oh, goldmine!" Lorelai yelled.  
  
"What?"  
  
She held two cartons of Chinese food up to Rory. "Lo Mein. Our habit of ordering more food than an army could eat is finally paying off."  
  
"How old?"  
  
Lorelai opened one carton up and took a sniff. "Two, maybe two and a half weeks."  
  
"It'll have to do."  
  
They went back to searching. A few minutes later, Rory squealed with delight.  
  
"Two cans of tomato paste!"  
  
Lorelai looked at her daughter with confusion clearly etched into her features. "Number 1: Where the hell did that come from? Number 2: What are we supposed to do with it?"  
  
"I don't know."  
  
"Ah, toss it in."  
  
Lorelai finished going through the fridge and came up with a few more items. She then moved to the freezer. A few minutes later, she pulled out a rectangular-shaped item wrapped in foil. Rory turned and looked at her mother, who was examining it with curiosity.  
  
"What is it?"  
  
"I don't know. It looks like some sort of frozen meat. I want to say dog, but I'm thinking that's wrong."  
  
Rory shrugged, "Throw it in. Maybe Sookie can do something with it."  
  
Just then, Sookie entered the kitchen carrying a bag. She'd been searching the rest of the house.  
  
"Okay, this is what I came up with: Half a roll of Certs, two Fritos, four M & M's and a partially eaten bagel."  
  
"Where did you find the bagel?" Rory asked.  
  
"In Lorelai's black purse."  
  
They both turned to Lorelai to hear why she had a bagel in her purse.  
  
Her brow furrowed, "What? Like you've never put a bagel in your purse before."  
  
"I haven't," they both responded.  
  
"I was in a hurry the other day and I didn't have time to finish my bagel, so I threw it in my purse. I don't think there's anything so unusual about that."  
  
Rory and Sookie exchanged looks, while Lorelai went back to searching the refrigerator. Ten minutes later, the search was over.  
  
"All right, folks, this is what we have to work with," she said pointing to the box. "Let's get started."  
  
They moved into action, as Luke entered the kitchen carrying his toolbox. He approached Lorelai.  
  
"I fixed your toilet."  
  
"Do I want to know what was wrong with it?"  
  
"Would you understand it if I told you?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Then why waste my breath."  
  
Lorelai smiled, "Well, thank you so much. You're a lifesaver."  
  
"No problem. I better get going though. I left Jess unattended with a bunch of hungry and, by now, probably angry customers."  
  
"You mean you're not going to stay for the party?"  
  
"Sorry, but I planned to close tomorrow. I can't just close down on a Saturday without any notice."  
  
Lorelai tried to hide her disappointment, "Of course, I understand. Oh, I almost forgot." She opened up the refrigerator and took out a plate of what remained of the hamburgers he'd made.  
  
"All of the food you made, except for these three hamburgers, was ruined by the water. I thought you might want them. They're relatively untouched."  
  
Luke smiled and took the plate, "Thanks." He paused and then lifted the bun on one of the hamburgers. He turned it to her, so she could see. Lorelai smiled at the hamburger with the ketchup and mustard smiley face, pickle as the nose.  
  
"So, you did do it."  
  
Luke shrugged. "I had a little extra time."  
  
Lorelai grinned, as Luke handed her the burger. "Thanks."  
  
"Happy birthday, Lorelai," he said with a slight smile, before turning on his heel and leaving.  
  
* * * *  
  
Twenty minutes later, the doorbell rang.  
  
Lorelai turned to Rory. "2:00 on the nose. It couldn't be anyone but my parents."  
  
Lorelai slowly made her way to the door and plastered a smile on her face as she opened it up.  
  
"Mom, Dad, right on time. Come on in."  
  
"The invitation said 2:00, so we are here at 2:00, Lorelai," Emily said.  
  
"Yes, I know it did."  
  
"Lorelai, where is the wine?" Richard asked.  
  
"In the living room, Dad," Lorelai replied.  
  
Lorelai and Emily watched as Richard headed off in that direction.  
  
"Honestly, we've been here a whole two seconds and the man is already in search of a glass of wine," Emily remarked.  
  
Lorelai simply shrugged and then they lapsed into an uncomfortable silence. Finally, after a few moments, Lorelai broke the silence.  
  
"So, you're not going to wish you're only daughter a happy birthday?" she asked in a lighthearted manner.  
  
"It is not your birthday. I happen to remember that day very well and today is not it."  
  
"Yes, I know but-..."  
  
"One does not tend to forget 23 hours of excruciating pain. If I'd only known that this was just the beginning of 33 years of-..."  
  
Lorelai cut her off, "Oh, that's sweet, Mom...Really touching. Hey, why don't you go get some food? It's in the living room."  
  
"All right," Emily agreed and headed towards the living room.  
  
Rory came to stand by her mother. "Grandma just got here and you already have that look on your face."  
  
"That's because she wasn't here thirty seconds before she started detailing how I have brought such pain to her life."  
  
"Lorelai," her mother called. Lorelai sighed and headed towards her mother, who was standing in front of the food table.  
  
She pointed at the bowl of Lo Mein. "What is this?"  
  
"Food, Mom. But that's just a guess, I could be wrong."  
  
"Is this Lo Mein? That Chinese spaghetti you've always loved?"  
  
"Yes, I suppose it is."  
  
"And you're serving it at your party for people to eat?"  
  
"No, no, it's actually there for them to view. You know, kind of like an art exhibit."  
  
Her mother did not look amused and shook her head disapprovingly. "It's no wonder that daughter of yours is as thin as a rail. Look at what you feed her."  
  
"Don't worry, Mom. Just last month I signed Rory up with one of those Feed the Children programs. For just 75 cents a day, you can help her eat for a month."  
  
"You think you're so funny, Lorelai," Emily said in a tone that indicated she did not share the sentiment.  
  
"Yeah, I'm a regular Robin Williams."  
  
"Who?"  
  
"You know, Robin Williams. Comedian, actor. 'Good Morning, Vietnam', 'Dead Poets' Society', 'Good Will Hunting'. Any of this ringing a bell?"  
  
"Lorelai, you know I don't watch television."  
  
"Actually, those are mov...You know what, never mind."  
  
Her mother shrugged and began to walk beside the food table, scrutinizing each dish. She pointed at a platter of what was cut up frozen pizza. "And what's this?"  
  
"Oh, that?...That's a light bread topped with a tomato and spice mixture, then finished off with just a sprinkle of mozzarella cheese."  
  
"That sounds wonderful, like something right out of Italy. I'll have to try some of that."  
  
Lorelai nodded, as she tried to hide her smile. "Yes, it's *almost* like being in Rome."  
  
Emily continued to walk beside the table, stopping near the desert portion. She pointed at a plate of what were sliced up Yodels, a Drakes brand snack cake and favorite of Lorelai's. "What are these? They look so interesting."  
  
"Oh, those, yes, very interesting. They are actually moist chocolate cake coated in a thin, hardened chocolate frosting and then filled with a light, fluffy crème."  
  
Emily smiled, "They sound absolutely delicious. I must try one."  
  
Emily leaned forward and picked up a piece of the sliced up Yodel. She carefully placed it between her teeth and took a delicate bite. Her eyes widened at the taste. After she had swallowed, she smiled at Lorelai.  
  
"That was simply amazing. Did Sookie make these?"  
  
"No, no, actually...uh...Drake did."  
  
"Drake? Is that a friend of yours?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Is he here?"  
  
"Not that good a friend."  
  
"Oh, well, you must ask him for the recipe. I want to give it to Cook."  
  
"Actually, it's a secret recipe. Drake doesn't give it out to anyone."  
  
"Well, I'd be willing to pay for it."  
  
Lorelai shook her head, "A secret family recipe. It's priceless."  
  
"That's a shame. I guess I'll just have to tell Cook the ingredients and hope she can replicate it."  
  
Lorelai had to bite her lip to keep from blurting out: "Or you could just tell her to go to the Supermarket and buy a box of Drakes' Yodels!"  
  
* * * *  
  
"Now listen here, young man, 'Citizen Kane' is my favorite film, but I have no illusions about it. That film fictionalized and caricaturized the events and people in the life of William Randolph Hearst," Richard said gruffly to Kirk, who simply shook his head.  
  
"With all due respect, sir, I must disagree. That movie is one of my favorites and I have seen it 456 times. I have also read about the issues surrounding the film and I-..."  
  
Lorelai suddenly appeared at her father's side and interrupted their conversation. "Dad, I see you've made a friend."  
  
Richard made a 'humph' sound and gestured at Kirk with his wine glass, "He is no friend of mine."  
  
Lorelai smiled politely at Kirk, as she guided her father away from him. "That was a pretty loud discussion you were having."  
  
"That fool was trying to tell *me" about 'Citizen Kane'. Me!"  
  
"No!" Lorelai said with feigned surprise.  
  
"Yes, I can hardly believe it myself. I don't know who he thinks he is."  
  
"He's Kirk, a self-proclaimed movie expert. He's seen every movie, like, 9 trillion times."  
  
"Well, that's absurd."  
  
"Kirk's absurd. Anyway, considering what an obvious movie enthusiast you are, you might want to tell mom who Robin Williams is."  
  
"Who?" her father asked, with a wrinkled brow.  
  
Lorelai simply shook her head and muttered under her breath, "There are times when I swear I was switched at birth."  
  
"What did you say? You mustn't mumble, Lorelai. Annunciate."  
  
Lorelai rolled her eyes. "I said 'Never mind who he is, I just hope you're having a great time'."  
  
Richard smiled, "Oh, yes, I am, with the exception of that unpleasant encounter with that young man. The food is wonderful. I especially enjoyed those crème-filled chocolate cakes."  
  
Lorelai couldn't help but smile.  
  
* * **  
  
An hour or so later, the doorbell rang and Lorelai went to answer it. Her brow wrinkled at the pimple-faced male teenager who stood before her, holding a large box.  
  
"Hey, what's up?" he greeted her in his best surf-dude impression.  
  
Lorelai raised her eyebrows. "Um, nothing's up. May I help you?"  
  
"Yeah, I'm Dwayne and I'm from 'The Life of the Party'. You rented a Karaoke machine for today."  
  
Lorelai's eyes widened in surprise. "There must be some mistake. I didn- ..."  
  
Rory suddenly appeared at her mother's side, "Yes, that's right, we did. You can set it up in the living room. Thanks."  
  
Lorelai turned to her daughter, mouth agape. Rory simply shrugged.  
  
"I ordered that right after I put the wrong date on the invitations, so that's why it came today. I forgot to tell you. I thought it would be fun."  
  
"So your objective was to give your mother a headache as a birthday present by forcing her to listen to Kirk sing 'I'm Too Sexy' forty-nine times."  
  
"I doubt it will be exactly like last time."  
  
"Rory," Lorelai whined, "What do you think my parents are going to say about this? They think Karaoke is a type of Sushi."  
  
"Grandma and Grandpa are much more open-minded than you give them credit for."  
  
Lorelai's eyes widened at that statement. She lifted her hand up and brought it to her daughter's forehead. "Are you feeling okay? Because only a fever bordering on deadly would make ANYONE who knows my parents say such a thing."  
  
Rory swatted her mother's hand away, "I'm fine and I stand by my statement."  
  
Lorelai tried to smile, "Your love and innocent perception of your grandparents has always been endearing, if slightly disturbing, but I'm afraid it's finally made you go crazy. My parents are not open-minded. They are...they are..."  
  
"Close-minded," Rory filled in.  
  
"Yes! As well as, superior and arrogant and pretentious and obnoxious. I could go on, but we don't have all night. The point is they will not accept this. They will see it as one more way I have disappointed them."  
  
"You're overreacting."  
  
"My parents will not accept people singing off-key to songs they've never heard before in the middle of my living room, Rory. My mother wouldn't even let me sing in the shower."  
  
"I've heard you sing in the shower. I think she had a point."  
  
"Rory, my dear, sweet child, this will not be a good thing. This will be a bad thing. A very bad thing."  
  
Rory smiled and shrugged her shoulders, "We'll see."  
  
Rory walked back into the living room, followed by her disgruntled mother.  
  
Emily and Richard looked at the Karaoke machine with curiosity.  
  
"Rory," her grandmother called, "What is this?"  
  
"That's a Karaoke machine, Grandma. It plays music and people can sing with it."  
  
Emily raised her eyebrows, "Oh, how interesting."  
  
Rory smiled and then walked away, leaving her grandparents alone.  
  
"This must have been Lorelai's idea," Emily remarked with more than a hint of disapproval.  
  
"I don't know, Emily, it sounds like it might be rather enjoyable."  
  
"You can't be serious, Richard. If I wanted to hear people make horrible sounds, I'd go to one of those awful rock concerts Rory's always talking about."  
  
"I think this may be a little easier on your hearing, dear."  
  
Emily shook her head, "I just don't understand why Lorelai can't throw a proper party. She was certainly raised to know what is appropriate and what is inappropriate."  
  
Richard sighed, "Oh, Emily, give it a rest. It's not as if Lorelai invited a bunch of silly clowns over."  
  
Emily snorted. "I wouldn't be so sure about that. The party is not over yet."  
  
* * * *  
  
"I'm too sexy for my shirt, too sexy for my shirt, so sexy it hurts-..." Kirk sang, as he walked back and forth in Lorelai's living room. His mechanical, almost robotic, dance moves were very funny...the first seven times he sang the song. Now, they were just annoying. And, as he motioned to unbutton his shirt, a new move he'd added in this time to spice things up, Lorelai had seen enough.  
  
She cut him off, with a hand held up as she rushed to where he stood. "Okay, okay, that's enough, Kirk. I think we've all seen more than enough."  
  
"Are you sure? Because I was going to incorporate The Roger Rabbit into my next rendition to, you know, keep it fresh."  
  
Lorelai's eyebrows arched, as she desperately tried not to picture that. She forced a smile and patted him on the shoulder, "As appealing as that does sound, I think you should save it for next time. You know what they say about too much of a good thing."  
  
"No, what do they say?"  
  
"That...it's not...good."  
  
"Oh, okay," he nodded.  
  
Lorelai took the microphone from him and addressed the audience. "All right, who's next?"  
  
The guests, who had slipped into comas around Kirk's fifth rendition, reacted with little enthusiasm.  
  
"Oh, come on, people! What could be better than showing off what little talent you possess to all of Stars Hollow?"  
  
Lorelai's plea was met with little more than shaking heads. Rory, who was standing with her grandparents, turned to them.  
  
"Grandma, Grandpa, why don't you give it a shot?"  
  
Emily and Richard looked at each other with wide eyes. Richard shook his head, "Oh, I don't think so, Rory."  
  
"We couldn't possibly."  
  
Rory gestured to her mother, "Look at Mom. She's dying up there. Do it for her."  
  
Rory could see her grandfather's face softening. He addressed his wife, "Well, we have had quite a few glasses of wine, Emily. We'll probably have little to no memory of this tomorrow."  
  
Emily seemed to be considering it. "And it's not like we'll ever see any of these people again."  
  
"Nor will they tell our friends about this indiscretion. We hardly run in the same circles."  
  
Emily smiled, "I suppose it would be enjoyable to show Lorelai that her parents aren't as stiff as she always claims they are."  
  
"I say let's do it!" Richard declared, with a twinkle in his eye.  
  
Emily's smile widened, "All right, we'll do it!"  
  
A grin spread across Rory's face at that statement. She watched as they both took long swills of their wine and then made their way to the performance area.  
  
Lorelai's brow wrinkled as her parents approached her. "Um, what are you guys doing up here?"  
  
"What do you think, Lorelai? We're here to perform," Emily replied.  
  
Lorelai nearly choked on her saliva and came up coughing. "I'm sorry? You're what?"  
  
"We're going to perform, Lorelai. You were asking for volunteers to perform, were you not?" Richard asked.  
  
"Yes, yes, I was. I...I just didn't expect that you two would want- ..."  
  
"That has always been your biggest problem, Lorelai. You always expect as little as possible from us so that we can't help but disappoint you," Emily remarked.  
  
"Oh, so that's what I've been doing all these years," Lorelai muttered.  
  
"Yes, and you really should try to improve upon that. Now, if you don't mind, we have a performance to give."  
  
Lorelai shrugged and handed them the song choice booklet. Emily and Richard quickly flipped through it and settled on one towards the back. Richard held the booklet so that they could both see the words as they sang.  
  
The familiar tune filtered through the room and Emily and Richard began to sing, "Boy the way Glenn Miller played...Songs that made the hit parade...Guys like us we had it made...Those were the days...And you know where you were then...Girls were girls and men were men...Mister we could use a man like Herbert Hoover again...Didn't need no welfare states, everybody pulled his weight...Gee our old Lasalle ran great...Those were the days!"  
  
Lorelai and Rory stared open-mouthed at Emily and Richard as they did wonderful impressions of Edith and Archie Bunker performing the theme song "Those Were the Days" from "All in the Family".  
  
"Did you know they could do this?" Rory whispered to her mother.  
  
"Are you kidding? I didn't even think they'd ever heard of 'All in the Family'."  
  
Emily and Richard finished their performance and received a rousing standing ovation.  
  
They were all smiles as they came to stand by Rory and Lorelai.  
  
"Grandma, Grandpa, that was amazing!"  
  
"Thank you, dear," Richard replied.  
  
"That's very nice of you to say," Emily responded.  
  
They both turned to Lorelai with expectant looks on their faces. Lorelai was still too shocked to speak.  
  
"Well?" her mother asked after a few moments of silence.  
  
"Well what?"  
  
"What did you think of our performance, of course."  
  
"I'm...speechless, actually. You completely surprised me. I had no idea you could do that. I didn't even know you knew what 'All in the Family' was. And I certainly didn't think you could do Edith and Archie Bunker impersonations."  
  
Emily chuckled, "Oh, we weren't doing Edith and Archie Bunker, whoever they are. We were doing Lillian and George Willbanks, friends of ours from the club."  
  
Richard nodded with a smile, "They are an hysterical couple. That song suits them well."  
  
Lorelai simply shook her head in disbelief. "Of course, you were doing Lillian and George Willbanks. I should have known." She paused and then added, "Anyway, great job."  
  
Richard and Emily smiled proudly, before heading towards the wine table again.  
  
Lorelai turned to Rory, "I knew it was too good to be true. I've been wishing for my parents to be normal for just one day since I was six years old. Why would it pick today to come true?"  
  
"Hey, at least they got up there and sang. That's something. There's a lot of so-called 'normal' people who wouldn't do that," Rory replied.  
  
"I suppose."  
  
* * * *  
  
Two hours later, the party was winding down.  
  
"Lorelai," her mother said as she and Richard approached her and Rory, "We're going to be leaving now."  
  
"Okay, thanks for coming."  
  
"Happy birthday, dear," Richard said and then kissed his daughter's cheek. "Emily, I'm going to pull the car around."  
  
With that, he headed towards the door.  
  
"So, Mom, did you have a good time?" Lorelai asked.  
  
"Actually, I had a very pleasant evening," Emily responded.  
  
Lorelai's eyebrows arched in surprise. "Well, that's good. I'm glad."  
  
Emily's expression changed and she lowered her eyes. "Happy birthday, Lorelai."  
  
"It's not my birthday, Mom."  
  
"Yes, I realize that, but I just wanted you to know that...despite my earlier remarks and...some of the things I may have said to you over the years...Well, I just wanted you to know that your day of birth was...the best day of my life. Good-bye."  
  
Emily said the last few words so quickly and quietly that Lorelai almost didn't hear them.  
  
She said, "Goodbye," softly to her mother's retreating figure.  
  
"So, how about that?" Rory commented.  
  
"Yeah, how about that," Lorelai replied quietly, her eyes remaining on her mother until she disappeared from view.  
  
Rory turned to her mother, "So did you enjoy your fake birthday?"  
  
Lorelai smiled, "I did, despite the disasters that plagued the day."  
  
"What's a party without a few disasters?"  
  
Lorelai's smile widened, as she placed her arm around her daughter's shoulders.  
  
"Exactly."  
  
********************************THE END*************************** Thanks for reading! Hope you enjoyed it and please let me know what you thought. ~Steph 


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